As you may recall, I have recently started watching Game of Thrones for the first time. I watched a few seasons when the last season was airing and I could borrow an HBO password, but the show, ended the subscription was canceled, and I was forced to wait until the opportune moment to get my own HBO access. September seemed good as the vast majority of summer TV has ended but fall TV hasn’t quite started yet.
My thoughts on the first 4.5ish seasons are below, organized by house *spoilers ahead*
Thank God I knew Ned was going to die or else I’d be distraught, but he never actually does the meme. He doesn’t stand there with the sword and say “Winter is Coming”, disappointing!
I knew there was a Red Wedding. I guessed when Rob’s wife was pregnant it’d be soon. Still though, I watched the wedding as was like what a nice wedding, too bad they’ll die at a different wedding soon. Like how dumb am I? In my defense I thought the little Stark boy was there with them. I don’t know why.
What happened to the little Stark boy? Will we see him again?
Will the Stark children see each other again? Will they know that most of them are alive?
Why is Catelyn Stark so mean to Jon Snow, be mad at your husband for bringing home a bastard? Also, why didn’t Ned just tell Catelyn the truth? (I know some spoilers)
Speaking of spoilers why are people mad Bran is the king. If you’re buying ice cream for a large group and you can have 1 flavor, you guy vanilla. Bran Stark is the vanilla ice cream of people. Nobody’s favorite, but nobody dislikes him, he hasn’t murdered people. You want you king to be vanilla ice cream. Also, it seems like having a king who gets visions from a 3 eyed raven, who is sought after by the Kid from Love Actually (RIP buddy, also hope you don’t look like you’re 14 some day) and an old man living in magical tree roots is a strategic plus.
Why haven’t we seen Bran in half a season? You just meet the 3 eyed raven/tree man then disappear?
When does Sansa get to be as awesome as everyone thinks she is?
Also Sansa has bad odds for engagements 2/3 are psycho!
Aria’s cool, but like waaaaayyy too much vengeance/ murder for a teen!
Why did the Night’s Watch vote for Jon Snow? He’s great and all but he hasn’t been in the Night’s Watch very long and half the time he was falling in love with a Free Folk (keeping it PC with my terms).
Finally, I think Ned and Catelyn messed up as parents in that they taught their kids that while they should be good and fair the world is not. They probably wouldn’t get screwed over so much. Though if Ned wasn’t so trusting he’d probably be alive still.
Tyrion is the only good one. I hated Cersei and Jamie so much in the beginning. I felt for them more then they do something awful. Jame had some great moments with Brienne, saving her life but then he rapes his twin sister/ lover in front of their (their meaning both of them not a preferred pronoun situation) sons corpse! Cersei deals with the patriarchy and sees her son die but then uses a religious order to imprison people who are in her way.
Kudos to everyone I know who has seen the show for not spoiling the fact that Jamie loses a freaking hand! Then the episode just ends and you’re like how am I supposed to get to sleep now?!?!
Tywin’s death was amazing! To see a powerful man murdered by the son he loathes whilst pooping! Phenomenal!!
I don’t know why everyone thinks Daenerys actions at the end of the show are so out of character. So far she has: 1. Let a man be attached to her horse, naked, and walk behind her until he died 2. Basically set is up so her brother was murdered. 3. Burned a woman alive because when asked if she could bring Drogo back from the dead said sure but you won’t like it. She did and Dany didn’t like it. Sounds like not a problem! Also that woman was raped by Drogo’s people repeatedly, enslaved, and saw most people she knows be murdered by Drogo’s people, so you can’t blame her for not going into specifics of you won’t like it. 4. Bought the Unsullied to then have them destroy the city so she didn’t have to pay for them. She freed them yes, but only after they destroyed the city. 5. Had 163 people crucified because of their social class. 6. Had her dragons burn and eat someone alive. My point is she cray cray and violent and powerful! The only thing that surprises me is that nobody killed her earlier
Robert was such a drunk slut! So many bastards! Thank God someone finally told Gendry! Poor guy is just walking around like why does everyone want to murder me? It’s cause you have a claim on the throne son.
Stannis needs to get away from this lord of light nonsense!
How did Stannis get North of the Wall? One minute he’s in Bravos then bam North of the Wall. Confusing!
Why is Mrs Stannis mean to their kid?
How didn’t everyone figure out the kids weren’t Roberts? It’s pretty obvious!
Brienne is amazing! Why with all the GOT kid naming is everyone not naming their girls Brienne?
I’m so mad at Theon that I’m only slightly upset about the toy that he lost *wink wink nudge nudge* and how he’s being treated.
Can we just kill Ramsey already?
I love Grandma Tyrell! She holds her own with Tywin and Tyrion. She ends homophobia by being like what Tywin you’ve never had sex with another man, how weird? Iconic! She takes matters into her own hands to make sure her family is ok but how exactly did she and Little Finger kill Joffrey? Also, do not go to a Westerosi wedding! High death rate! I thought the Dothraki had violent weddings but I was mistaken!
How is The Hound not dead?
Finally Some Alternative TV Shows/Movies
A prequel family dramedy about the Starks, except Jon is really a cousin who’s living with the Starks for some reason (parents dead, out of the country, doesn’t matter) and Theon’s Rob’s friend, good kid from the wrong side of the tracks (basically Sean Hunter with worse hair). It’s a little less preachy than 7th Heaven, but only a little cause I bet Ned gives a good speech.
Basically The Hangover, but with Tyrion Sir Bronn, and Podrick. Then the sequel, basically Planes, Trains, and Automobiles with Podrick and Brienne. (I give you Pod and Brienne are basically living that plot except much less funny and it’s called Sometimes We Have Two Horses and Sometimes We Have One Horse.)
A sitcom about The Hound as a single father raising Aria his teenage daughter. Possible episodes: The Hound has to not kill Aria’s first date, The Hound takes Aria to buy a bra.
A teenage coming of age movie a la Superbad (Not American Pie because it made playing the flute and having had gone to band camp so much more difficult for years!) for Jon, Samwell, Would Be Hot if He Had Better Teeth, Chin, and Pip, who I called The Other One until he died. They’re trying to get someone before the battle at Castle Black. Only Jon succeeds, but Sam and Gilly go steady and there is no battle so no one dies (RIP Would Be Hot if He Had Better Teeth and Pip).